You might be a Redneck if ...

• You think that anyone with ten fingers and ten toes is abnormal.
• You need one more hole punched in your card before you get a "freebie" at the House of Tattoos.
• You have a personal account of a UFO sighting.
• You think a hard drive is driving more than one hour.
• You've ever taken a generator and a 27-inch TV camping.
• You help booby trap your family's marijuana crop.
• You have ever made a frog-gigging spear.
• The last time you saw your daddy outside, he was picking up trash, chained to three other guys.
• Your mother's only shoes are house slippers.
• Your sewage system consists of a pipe down a hillside.
• You wear knee-high stockings with a skirt.
• You follow the tractor pull circuit.
• You have more electronic equipment in your truck than in your house.
• Your primary income involves pigs or manure.
• Your best sofa came out of a Chevrolet.
• Your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby due to an alien abduction.
• You've ever gotten into a fist fight over a bowling score.
• You're a member of the "Chaw of the Month Club."
• Your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.
• You've ever been hunting on a tractor.
• Your yard has more than 10 ceramic figurines.
• You think the ultimate beauty treatment is using Preparation-H to prevent wrinkles.
• You must go through more than 2 gates to get to your home.
• You've never seen a film with subtitles.
• You own a pair of cut-offs made from double-knit pants.
• You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
• You've ever talked back to characters on the movie screen.
• You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
• Your kids hide the Easter eggs under cow patties.
• Your kids trip over the Christmas lights while hunting for Easter eggs.
• Three-fourths of all the clothes you own have logos on them.

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Last modified: October 7, 1996