You might be a Redneck if ...

• You've ever hollered, "Rock the house, Bubba!" during a piano recital.
• Your kids' favorite bedtime story is "Curious George and the High Voltage Fence."
• Your watchband is wider than any book you've ever read.
• You know who is actually leading the Winston Cup series.
• You've ever had to turn your pickup truck around because of bridge clearance restrictions.
• Your favorite beer company cannot afford to advertise.
• You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
• You time your belches to achieve a personal best.
• Your new job promotion means the company foots the bill to have your name sewn on your shirts.
• The fountain at your wedding spewed beer instead of champagne.
• Your favorite restaurant has the word "eats" anywhere in the name.
• There's graffiti on the bathroom wall in your own house.
• You have grease under your toenails.
• Your idea of a romantic evening is sharing the same spit cup with your girlfriend at a tractor pull.
• The most common phrase you hear at your family reunion is "What the hell are you lookin' at, Diphead?"
• Your best coon hound gets a birthday present and your wife doesn't.
• Your mother has more chest hair than your father.
• You think Champho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
• You think a manicure is some kind of French doctor.
• Your mama saves aluminum foil.
• You have more than two brothers names Bubba or Junior.
• You clean your house with a water hose.
• During your wedding ceremony the minister said, "Do you, DeWayne, take Connie to be your old lady?"
• The game warden knows the serial numbers to your guns by heart.
• You pawned your grandfather's pocket watch because you needed beer money for the weekend.
• You took your coon dogs on your honeymoon.
• You drive across town to see a car wreck.
• It's impossible to see food stains on the fabric of your work uniform.

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Last modified: October 7, 1996