You might be a Redneck if ...

• You show strangers your war wound.
• You stop and pick up furniture others have thrown out.
• The "football pool" committee at work has to get a court order to garnish your paycheck.
• The rear window of your truck or van is a picture.
• You've ever filled your deer tag on a golf course.
• When you get stopped for speeding, you wave at your friends passing by.
• You own a lava lamp over 5 feet tall.
• You use a cow pie for a paper weight.
• You regularly give away free puppies.
• Your mother owns a Lynyrd Skynyrd tee-shirt.
• If you refer to your wife and mother-in-law as "Dual Air Bags."
• You drive past a cow pasture and roll down your window to get a whiff.
• You own Patsy Cline salt and pepper shakers.
• Your mother's nickname is Chainsaw, Swampdog, or Flea Bed.
• You select your date's corsage to match her tattoo.
• Your car stereo cost more than the car itself.
• You think a house warming is something the KKK does.
• Decorating for Christmas means holly on the propane tank.
• Every Christmas party includes at least one fight in the front yard.
• You won't go to the family Christmas party unarmed.
• You hate having to drive to the penitentiary to spend Christmas with Mama.
• You use pop-top chains on your Christmas tree.
• Your community nativity scene has people wearing camouflage.
• You leave a cold one and three pickled eggs for Santa.
• Your dogs chase Santa's sleigh.
• You have a tattoo that says "Born to bag groceries."
• You own a pink flamingo with buck shot holes in it.
• You're invited to your cousin's wedding and can't decide which side of the family to sit with.
• Your entertainment center is made of boards and concrete.
• You own every Box Car Willie album.
• You celebrate every night like it's New Year's Eve.

Back to Redneck Humor Index

Back to Humor Index

Back to CSS Home Page

Last modified: October 7, 1996