You might be a Redneck if ...

• You have a refrigerator just for beer.
• You clean your hands daily with gasoline.
• You have your wife check the depth of the water before you drive your truck through it.
• Your belt buckle trips the airport metal detector even when you aren't at the airport.
• None of the tires on your car are the same size.
• You wouldn't dare go anywhere without jumper cables.
• Turning on your lights involves pulling a string.
• Your sex life improved with the invention of 4-wheel drive.
• All your wall decorations have horns on them.
• Your wife's arms got so big from pushing your car.
• You went to the gun and knife show more than once in the same weekend.
• The morning after your kids' slumber party, the dogs have fleas.
• You've never made up your bed.
• Trimming your beard requires lawn equipment.
• You buy lard wholesale.
• Your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture.
• Any of your children are the result of a conjugal visit.
• You can do a moose mating call from an orifice other than your mouth.
• Coworkers start a petition over your coffee cup.
• One of your top concerns is going to the electric chair.
• You have lots of hubcaps on your house, but none on your cars.
• Your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.
• You regularly answer the question "What have you been doing lately?" with "Partying."
• You can readily describe the taste of squirrel.
• You can take your bra off while driving.
• There is not room for one more bumper sticker on your car.
• You go to your sister's wedding just to kiss the bride.
• Counting sheep makes you more aroused than sleepy.
• You were driving a tractor before you could walk.
• You stockpile pork & beans.
• Trick-or-treaters are scared to come to your door.

Back to Redneck Humor Index

Back to Humor Index

Back to CSS Home Page

Last modified: October 7, 1996