You might be a Redneck if ...

• Your toothbrush has been in the family for generations.
• You own a monogrammed minnow bucket.
• Your truck has ever been the scene of a crime.
• You play pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey and get 4 teeth knocked out.
• You've ever plucked a nose hair with a pair of pliers.
• You have to wash your hands before you go to the bathroom.
• You wear overalls to save on the cost of shirts and underwear.
• Your little black book is a string of cocktail napkins.
• You rip a loud one and blame your date.
• Your veterinarian is also a taxidermist.
• You know your daddy's C.B. handle, but not his real name.
• Your bowling ball cost more than your college education.
• You use your daughter's wedding as an excuse to buy a new shotgun.
• You have a Jack Daniels poster in your living room.
• You think Liberation was that funny-dressed guy who played the piano.
• You've talked to your mama on the C.B., but have never met her in person.
• The sound of a siren sends your family running for the woods.
• You shave your legs with your husband's fishing knife.
• The cottage cheese container in your refrigerator holds night crawlers.
• You make your wife ride in the back of the truck so the dog won't get sick.
• You drive 600 miles to see an image of Elvis that has miraculously appeared in water stains on the ceiling of a trailer.
• Your first pet was a chicken.
• The National Guard had to be called out to your last family reunion.
• Your school colors are camouflage.
• Your horse lives in a better place than you do.
• Your chili's secret ingredient comes from a bait shop.
• Your gun safe is bigger than your refrigerator.
• Your retirement plans include getting your own place.
• You have a subscription to Hound Dogs Today.
• You practice fishing off your front porch.

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Last modified: October 7, 1996