You might be a Redneck if ...

• Most of your family have appeared on COPS.
• The dishwasher and your wife are one and the same.
• You've ever been accused of lying through your tooth.
• You've ever walked through a drive-thru window.
• The beer truck delivers door-to-door in your neighborhood.
• Your cigarette lighter is your stove.
• The cleaners inform you that they can't get the sweat stains out.
• The only scales in your bathroom are leftovers from the fish cleaning.
• You burn out your clutch in a funeral procession.
• You can distinguish between the taste of 'possum and groundhog, blindfolded.
• Three weeks after the circus, you're still talking about the elephant's accident.
• Your idea of cleaning house is throwing everything in the back yard.
• You don't recognise several relatives when they're sober.
• You've ever used panty hose as a coffee filter.
• The school principal has your number on speed dial.
• Your class reunion is a keg party in the woods.
• You've ever thrown a tailgate party at a tractor pull.
• You've ever borrowed chewing tobacco from your wife.
• Your tooth has a cavity.
• Your property has ever been mistaken for a recycling center.
• You refer to hot sex as relative humidity.
• Your horse can count higher than you.
• You own all of the components of soap on a rope except the soap.
• You fix holes in your truck with duct tape.
• You proudly display a collection of automobile-shaped cologne bottles.
• You go to the ear, nose, and throat doctor to have your finger removed.
• You think Roe vs. Wade deals with boat ownership.
• You made a cheat sheet for a hunter safety test.
• All your tupperware is old butter containers.
• You've ever stood outside a bathroom and heckled someone who was inside.
• Your riding lawn mower has cup holders.

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Last modified: October 7, 1996