You might be a Redneck if ...

• Every room in your house is a junk room.
• You've seen Walking Tall more than 50 times.
• You go fishing with a generator and copper wire.
• You have an above ground pool and you fish in it.
• It takes an entire dumpster to clean out your car.
• People are scared to touch your bathrobe.
• All your wedding guests were seated on the same side of the church.
• At the dog track, you always bet on the dog that "does his business" right before the race starts.
• Your underwear doubles as swimming trunks.
• You've ever committed a crime with a lawn mower.
• You go to a party and the punch bowl flushes.
• Your only trip to the dentist was to get your dentures made.
• The quality of your birthday present depends on how mama finishes in the wet t-shirt contest.
• Your satellite dish has more square footage than your home.
• You thought Ned Beatty was sexy in Deliverance.
• You've ever had hot flashes at a cattle auction.
• Your TV gets 512 channels, but you go outside to use the bathroom.
• Your neighbors refer to a double-wide on a sand mound as "the mansion on the hill."
• You think the last four words of the National Anthem are "Gentlemen, start your engines!"
• You made jewelry out of your gallstones.
• You applied for a job while wearing a stocking cap.
• You met your wife through a "personal ad" written on the men's room wall.
• You take a spit cup out on the dance floor.
• You always use tape to hem your pants.
• You think cow tipping should be an Olympic sport.
• Your car burns more oil than gas.
• The oil stain on your driveway looks like the result of a tanker spill.
• Somebody hollers "Hoe Down" and your girlfriend hits the floor.
• You wear tube socks with a dress.
• Neither your nor your husband's job requires you to wear a shirt to work.
• You wear tube socks with a dress.
• You own a Waffle House credit card.
• The nearest liquor store is brewing in your basement.
• Your Friday nights consist of lots of Budweiser and a mechanical bull.
• You have used a potato peeler to remove a corn.
• You see a sign that says "dip in road" and you stop to see what flavor it is.
• You think a canopy goes under the bed instead of over it.
• You've ever had a conversation about truck tires that lasted more than an hour.
• You've ever fished from over a fence.
• You have ever taken lawn furniture to a drive-in.
• Your state senator is willingly photographed with no shirt and a leather vest on a Harley, but refuses to take a Breathalyzer test.
• You think virgin wool comes from ugly sheep.
• You keep catfish in your aquarium.
• You think truffles are a brand of potato chip.
• You've ever bought a used cap.
• You know all the verses to the "Hee Haw" song.

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Last modified: November 26, 1997