Best reasons for not coming in to work
From The Washington Post
- If it's all the same to you I
won't be coming to work. The voices told me to clean all
the guns today.
- When I got up this morning I
took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac.
- I can't get off the john, but
I feel good about it.
- I set half the clocks in my
house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour
Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time
continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the
explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing
the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks
in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the
snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in
late, or early.
- My stigma's acting up.
- I can't come in to work today
because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me
for not showing up for work. OK?
- I have a rare case of 48-hour
projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to
meet...
- I am stuck in the blood
pressure machine down at the Wal-Mart
- Yes, I seem to have
contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how
about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could
I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with AT&T, but
thank you for calling.
- Constipation has made me a
walking time bomb.
- I just found out that I was
switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come in to work
knowing my employee records may now contain false
information.
- The psychiatrist said it was
an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint
so I won't bite things when I am startled.
- The dog ate my car keys.
We're going to hitchhike to the vet.
- I prefer to remain an enigma.
- My mother-in-law has come
back as one of the undead and we must track her to her
coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her
eternal peace. One day should do it.
- I can't come to work today
because the EPA has determined that my house is
completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange
for helicopter transportation.
- I am converting my calendar
from Julian to Gregorian.
- I am extremely sensitive to a
rise in the interest rates.
- My wife makes more money than
I do, so I have to stay at home with our sick son.
- I refuse to travel to my job
in the District until there is a commuter tax. I insist
on paying my fair share.
- I'm feeling a little
disgruntled this morning. You sure I should come in?
Last modified: 11/26/1997